Eyes of a Nurse

Prologue

Filipino here!

There is always one in any healthcare facility in the world. We are everywhere.

Utmost strength is an understatement when you describe how to live with this profession.

Dedicated to people who saw and cared for people from womb to tomb. Salute!

This quote inspires each day I am working.

“Search me. O God, and know my heart; try me, and know my anxieties:

And see if there is any wicked way in me and lead me in the way everlasting.

Psalm 139:23-24”

Chapter 1 - Witness

I was a college student, grateful to be in a good school. Coming from a middle class family, that is quite an achievement. My school performance was average. Honestly, just wanting to pass and have a degree not having a full grasp of what it is I am studying for. I know not a good way to attain knowledge but mine, like most of my classmates, you could say is in a different circumstance.

Nursing course was in demand, a way out of a third world country with a big salary guarantee. To me, that was not bad, I would love to be financially stable so I can do this. That was the mindset. Caring for others so I can take care of my own. I was blown away by reality in dealing with the lives of people, hardships are on a different level.

I saw it in my own eyes. No bed spaces to accommodate the patients and they were lying on the floor of hospital corridors. Over 200 patients are being taken care of by two nurses. It sounds impossible but I was a witness and I became one of those nurses. It was only my first year, a newbie. I was learning at the same time, already working on my own, if that makes sense. Nursing in the Philippines is like no other. Overworked and under-appreciated. Fixing the healthcare system is a good start to improve this and the only way to fix this.

I have witnessed all the wrong things for good intentions. The genuine care of the nurses can be compromised by fatigue and lack of knowledge. These experiences have taught nurses to be mentally, physically and emotionally strong. Unfortunately, it could have been better but the Philippines is a country with limited medical supplies and equipment. Expensive medication and treatment procedures cost lives.

Things could change and optimum care is always prioritized for the majority. Goal is to keep pushing for financial resources to focus on health care and healthy living. Hope is always present.

Chapter 2 - Care

“Caring for others more than yourself”

This happens often in healthcare, a “savior complex”. It shouldn’t but there are moments that this is true. Every nurse can attest to this. Good example is thinking about your patient after work on the day or even after years, out of concern and attachment. The experience of having to look after people with different conditions brings knowledge and emotional strength like no other profession can.

It is part of the job, I completely understand this fact. Monitoring observations, administering medication and being present when no one else is in the room for the whole period of the patient's stay. All of these contribute to improving health. Honestly, sometimes we just want to survive the shift not knowing how important the care we provide. It becomes part of us, how we think and how we approach life.

Personally, I can honestly say, it did change how I behave. I tend to care more about what others feel and how I can help in some way. It is a good thing somehow to a certain extent. And then you learn the most important lesson: the best care you have to give first is the care to yourself. Be sure you are ready and healthy first. Do not neglect your own well-being.

We are eager to fulfil our duty and once we do, it feels rewarding. But at the end of the day, are you okay? You need to reward yourself too. Care you provide yourself is equally important to the care you provide to your patients. That is one thing I didn’t know early on.

Each nurse has to have a big heart because of their career journey. The memory of that first intravenous insertion, first operation, first patient experiencing severe pain and the first patient who passed away never goes away. One realisation out of these memories, there is a joy in stressful situations simply because you care, one is you are saving lives.

Every profession has some form of care, big or small, for others or for oneself. Technical or nontechnical, it requires care. Nursing happens to be one of those which highly demands this value, I can attest to that because even if you equipped yourself with knowledge and experience, it will be hard if you lack the trait of caring.

Chapter 3 - Expectancy

Life ends, the physical part of it. Nurses see the beginning and ending of life, to people they cared for, or they just met. In providing healthcare, we have to keep an open mind of what could happen to them whether negative or positive. What matters is we do our best.

We often take things in life for granted and nurses are no exceptions. Yes, we care, advise, administer medication, provide assistance with food, check laboratory results because of different goals and the main one is to prolong life. But sometimes, in our own daily lives, we forget to follow the health education we tell people. The habit of keeping personal struggles so that one or many can be healthy on that shift, again this brings mental and emotional strength but to an extent only.

There is an option for patients and family to just have a pain free end stage of life, a comfortable ending. At this time, I am not sure if mercy killing is approved in alI countries. I know it is often a difficult decision to make. Many factors to be considered and the major one is the patient’s age. If the patient is a baby with life threatening conditions and certain short life expectancy, it hits deeply because the baby does not have a chance to live unlike the elderly.

To weigh the good and bad, the goal is to do more good. There are many issues with beliefs, between right and wrong, even in healthcare. Nurses advocate kindness and goodness, because of having great insights of what a health compromised individual experiences. There is a consent and respect for life and must be adhered to. There are times, patients and family decided to let go of treatments whether everything has been done or not. Ultimately, it is the patients’ choice. Abrupt endings are the most painful, in my opinion. Nothing could be done anymore, it is over. Life ends for one person or people but many more suffer emotionally, the loved ones who were left behind.

On the flip side of the coin, many lives begin planned or not planned. New life is truly a blessing. Now the question of how long can we live, no one can know. It is a good thing to have help with health checks and prevention of more serious problems. We understand the life in and out of a medical facility is not easy but can be worth living for.

Chapter 4 - Lifestyle

What is the lifestyle of a nurse? Is it different?

Well yes and no. Depending on which department and what schedule you are having.

Yes, for nurses having shifting schedules, we are awake at night and normally have eye bags. We have to really embrace self-care. Many nurses love a good coffee and ordering food instead of cooking, and then eating lots of leftovers, microwave and air fryer are good friends, that is for sure.

No, because we still have to function and do our day to day basic tasks at home such as groceries, cooking and cleaning. We have to eat out, go on trips, take care of our family or ourselves outside work.

How nurses balance these two things (work and personal life) is the key to a happy nursing career. In reality, this is difficult to achieve. My lifestyle, if I may share, is average, a classic home buddy but looking back, it definitely could have been better especially when I was doing my hospital shifts. Constant needs are sleep, rest, deep massage, yummy food, reliable social relationships and great coffee. We tend to be often tired after a shift, we are mentally, physically and emotionally drained and need to recharge. I have quite an admiration and respect for nurses who can still take care of children and house things right away after their long shift.

Job security makes a difference in our daily lives, we feel stable. Nursing will be in demand all the time. Those who worked for a while have more experience not only at the workplace but in handling their personal needs. We can pause and listen to ourselves more than we used to. I have watched many videos, sometimes really funny ones of a nurse struggling in a shift as these scenarios are happening in real life.

Enjoying life outside nursing is definitely a must. Lifestyle could be different in a sense that we are not that socially active, we just want to sleep. Recovery from emotional, mental and physical exhaustion is important. I know many nurses, who stay home a day and regenerate before they can go out. Or they just go out for a few hours and prefer to relax at home.

A highly stressed and pressured environment makes one nurse long for a good trip and well deserved rest. This means self-care is a priority if you want to stay healthy and happy. Other curricular activities, hobbies and passion will definitely help. Healthy lifestyle makes a difference and some of us take time to learn how to have one, but it is possible.

Chapter 5 - Reflection

This is probably the most relatable part of nursing. Especially after a shift, we think back and analyse what we did. Trust me, we do not want to but it seemed engraved to us from the time we started our career, it is just normal. This could be a curse and a blessing at the same time. We learn continuously but we get stressed often as well.

Looking at the bright side, reflecting is what makes a nurse wiser and more practical. When you reflect, realisations happen and the best outcome is self-compassion. Of course, feelings of self-criticism and blaming others might come and it is completely fine though hard to go through. Healthcare is vast and many things you encounter, you have no control of. Best example would be how the patient’s deal with his/her own health, respecting their choices. No matter how hard it is for us as nurses to sometimes understand them, we have to promote independence.

I have been a nurse now for almost 10 years, and encountered many difficulties in patient care. It is impossible to say “I already know it all”. Each day, whether you are in an aged care, primary care or intensive care unit, it doesn’t matter, you will learn something new. Looking back, not sounding sentimental, as I am still in my early 30s, I am feeling proud now. It is never too late to set boundaries and draw the line between selflessness and selfishness.

Everyday, you’re providing support to patients, hearing concerns after concerns, and you’re constantly wanting them to be ok. Hey this is kind but also tiring if you do not have that moment of asking yourself at the end of shift “Am I ok”, then proceed to affirmations of “I did well”.

Onto the hard part of making mistakes. It is normal but the hardest part is how hard it affects us. It differs from nurse to nurse taking into consideration the personalities, upbringing and environment. Personally, this is the part where I developed most emotionally and mentally. I know it is a career but it can affect how you are in real life and vice versa. Growing up, I am very sensitive and quite anxious and harsh to myself. Good thing though, still not perfect but I am more self-aware. Nurses go through stages of learning about others and themselves, just like other professions. You would know your strengths and weaknesses and eventually learn to accept these and see yourself positively. This is one of the ultimate goals.

Ending this with a sense of fulfilment. I hope all of us feel this everyday in a good way.

My fave self made quote “Whatever you do today, big or small, you’re valuable”.

May you have more blessings and more relaxed time, whoever you are reading this. I am proud of you no matter what.

Epilogue

Hey, you, yes you, beautiful nurse you. Retired or just beginning or in between your nursing career. Filipino or not, only you know the bits and pieces of your life and your experience is unique. Yes, many of us but you have to appreciate what you did before others appreciate you.

Remember, you helped and deserve help, accept that you are human more than a nurse. Any career is secondary and your life, wants and needs is primary. One of the greatest lessons I have learned is you have to be healthy first before providing health to others, in all aspects. I have to admit, I am still learning this and this is ok.

Again, props to you and all the nurses around the world!